sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
