I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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