mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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