I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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