i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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