I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
