but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
