I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
