Well douche your snatch and let's go!
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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