Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
