She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
