Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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