If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
