PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I believe in your delicious
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
