i'm signing you up for texting rehab
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
