my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
