woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
