I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
