you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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