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WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
