so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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