Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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