his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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