Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
