Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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