if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
