Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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