oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
