I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
