maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
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He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
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