so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
