It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
