There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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