the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
