Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
