I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I love you. Go after that dick
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
