Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
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Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
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I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
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