I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
