Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
