nut hugger
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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