I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
