I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
