I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
pop tarts are not kleenex
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
