12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
