It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
