you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
