she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
