Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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