wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Found your dick twin last night
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
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