I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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