I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
