He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
