i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
