So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
