my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
