1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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