so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Randomize
