worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
