2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
