There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
