So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
