I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
