i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Randomize
