My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
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