they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Randomize
