how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
