Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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