I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
