I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
