Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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