Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
You did what with his pubic hair?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
