At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
