I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
