dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
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