And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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