When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
