don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
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I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
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He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
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