Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I'm always down for nudity.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
