I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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