My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
