holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I have feelings that need drinking.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
