So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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