We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
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